i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
