You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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