all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
