he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How naked do you want me to be?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
