The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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