Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
