She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
