I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
