why didn't you poke me back
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
