Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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