Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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