I didn't shave. On purpose
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my poor anus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
