i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
