the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
