He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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