Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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