You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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