I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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