Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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