i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry about my life...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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