apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
