I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
