listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
