I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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