wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
