i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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