I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
