I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
