He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
