i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
