my vag is so smooth its legendary
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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