aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
