The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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