He had one of those small greek statue penises
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
