real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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