he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
where are my eyebrows?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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