I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize