Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
