I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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