hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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