There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
