I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
