I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
