Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
