oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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