Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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