wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
