i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises