I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
