and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
