She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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