I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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