I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
