I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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