Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
