we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
