and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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