You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
