now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
