you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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