real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
