Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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