around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
