btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
